We’re increasingly living in an urban, diverse world. The possibilities, the opportunities for deeper understanding, for expanded, innovative thinking, richer solutions and acceptance abound.
We’re more and more exposed to (and confronted by) differences.
And now we’re surrounded by tolerance campaigns. Perhaps we should be grateful because it seems we need them. But mostly, this reflects our current state (of intolerance) and should not be confused with our aspiration.
Tolerance is the compliance equivalent on the value hierarchy and that simply sets the bar too low. At best it amounts to according the same basic rights to others that we’ve claimed for ourselves. At worse, it sends the wrong message that differences are to be tolerated rather than desired and valued.
True we need to minimally tolerate something or someone to get close enough to see, understand, and potentially value. But if we restrict ourselves to tolerance we miss the point and the opportunity which is to open ourselves to what’s new and different. If we’re aiming for communities of people who are healthy, happy, contributing, even thriving, tolerance isn’t going to get us there.
Imagine a relationship in which you felt “tolerated” for your differences.
Now imagine one in which you were met with interest, openness, even valuing.
Diversity can strike the cord of insecurity, stimulate fear, and generate bad behaviour. Tolerance is meant to curb that. Sometimes it manages to keep it “under control” but does little to invite and inspire people to approach and open themselves.
In a bid to improve we can set ourselves what we feel may be an accessible standard (tolerance) rather than an inspiring ambition (acceptance even love!).
So how could we start chasing the dream of accepting even loving differences?
In reality, we’ve been surrounded by differences (sex differences, value differences, personality differences, capacity differences) and opportunities to “practice”our whole lives, all the time.
Maybe could we “practice” on people we already know, maybe already love, take the fear level down and find our curiosity closer to home with our partners, our children, our families, our neighbours and colleagues.
The challenge is “simple” (but not easy):
Consider an important person with whom you experience a fundamental difference. Make it “easier” if you like by choosing someone you already love and respect (probably for some “other” qualities) but who nonetheless is different in an important way that provokes a reaction in you.
Let go of convincing yourself or them of the legitimacy of “your way.”
By-pass “tolerating” their way while firmly maintaining yours.
Instead really search for and find the value (any value) in who they are, how they act, what they believe, the choices they make or how they relate to you.
How do you feel about them now?
If you’ve gotten this far imagine it “human scale.”
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.
happiness contagion mission 