Manage your fears or manage your losses

 

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” ~ Anaïs Nin

Fear makes our lives smaller.

More, fears can make our lives smaller if we allow them to. We gain or we lose ground depending on how we manage them. There’s very little neutrality about it.

We’re made to be attracted but also repelled by what we need to grow more fully into who we truly are or could be.

Sometimes we have huge fields, sometimes tiny dark corners that interest even compel us but that we leave unexplored because of our fears.

We sense the electric fence around the terrain (big or small) and we step back! It’s a natural instinct. When we approach something that scares us our hearts beat, our palms sweat, we feel a bit weak in the knees. Our bodies have accurately picked up fear and put us at the ready.

But here’s the rub, the electricity is internal. There is no real electric fence. It’s our fear speaking to us. Signalling “danger” but more accurately “fear” (the difference is important) and imploring us to back up, even run away.

We prefer feelings of safety and mastery, but those are not the feelings that are going to get us where we need to go next. They may actually get in the way of pushing our limits and becoming more.

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” ~William G.T. Shedd

Here’s are a few ways it can go:

Scenario 1: We approach the terrain, we feel the sensations and  we stand our ground : status quo! Interesting (scary) territory stays right where it is as do we, observing and considering the possibilities. That’s as neutral as it can get in this realm. Hang onto this image because sometimes this is our best option! If you’re not ready to approach – don’t run!

Scenario 2 : may seem wholly unfair but here it is. You approach the interesting terrain, you feel the feelings and you take a giant step back (or two or three).  The wall moves toward you! Yes, that’s right. The scary side tends to expand, and our ground gets smaller. It gains psychological power in proportion to what we give it. If we fear having the unpleasant sensations (that come with the territory by the way) and we start to manage our selves and our actions to avoid having them we start to make our own lives smaller to avoid discomfort. Woops – the opposite of what we were going for!

“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’ ‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.” ~ George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Scenario 3: we approach the territory, we feel the feelings and we move slowly toward it! As we cross the threshold the feelings increase slightly (can you feel it?) and then wait, they start to subside?! You gain ground AND you start to break the psychological hold, the electricity around what you want. Remember the fence is internal! Only you can take it down. What’s better is that you even start to feel some of those positive feelings and sensations your heart knew all along could be found on the other side: pride, reward, expansion, connection, meaning, achievement?

So maybe you want to scope out the tantalizing or maybe scary fields awaiting you. Maybe you want to walk the perimeter a little and get yourself psyched by the positive feelings that await you. Get ready to feel a little discomfort (yes the feelings are uncomfortable but not fatal). Don’t run. Approach. Slowly but surely and claim what’s yours!

Here are a few more quotes that may help to inspire you:

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” ~  C. JoyBell C.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”  ~ Maya Angelou

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”  ~ Nelson Mandela