“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” ~ George F. Burns
If there’s a habit that robs of us our capacity to be present and joyful and enjoy a rich rewarding life today, surely it is worry.
We read too many studies that handily (and frightfully) calculate how many years we remove from our lives through our habits: smoking, drinking, overeating, overworking and under sleeping.
But what if we took one giant step back and took the focus off the habit and considered what god these habits serve?
We would often answer: worry. A low-grade, nagging, grumbling sense of unease. A mental habit kicked off by fear.
But fear of what exactly? Ah well, only you can answer that!
But this is where the potential lies. Chase that down and you’ve got something useful.
Fear habits, obsessions, compulsions, worries are “meant to” serve us. Signal danger. Stimulate a response. Remove the danger! But when they remain in a diffuse state such as worry they can’t do an adequate job in fact they undermine us.
Worry can only serve if it leads us to a real issue (a concern) to be addressed. If you find the issue, address that. Seek clarification, input, information, allies, resources, prepare, and rehearse. Allay your real concern. Then put it to rest and recover your energy for today. Let yourself be.
But more frequently worry is circular, an emotional hamster on a wheel, that continues to sap our energy and our capacity to perform or to be present for fear of what’s coming tomorrow.
Here’s a two-step solution to try on:
Step one: identify it! What is it for you? What if I make a grave mistake? I may not be liked or accepted? I may fall on my face in front of others. She may leave me! I may not be able to handle it! What if I’m incompetent? Insert your worry here. If you can identify a tangible, sensible concern deal with that. If not, move to step 2.
Step 2 is customizable.
For the rational strategist: Challenge it to an intellectual duel. Poke holes in the logic. How likely is that? What’s the evidence for? against? How is it more likely to turn out? To what extent is it pure fear talking vs a rational appraisal of the situation. Frequently it’s an easy win. Pure fear mounts a poor case. A few pokes and you can see it for what it is. After which will usually arrive at the “right right, you’re right” phase of the duel. You can see the flawed logic, know it is pure fear and move on.
If you’re still sitting with a discomfort keep going and try the other approach.
For the passionate warrior: Stand up to your Goliath. Challenge it to a staring contest. Fix your gaze and let it make itself as big as it wants to. Ok go.”You’ll make a terrible mistake! You will be mocked and shunned! Go on, keep going (keeping your eyes fixed). You’ll be chastised, cast out, abandoned! Yes. Anything else? (eyes still firmly engaged) Yes you’ll be broke, homeless, left lying in a ditch, shamed and alone. Is that all? Um, yep, that’s pretty much all I’ve got. Ok, well if you’re done then I’m going to get back to what I was doing. Empty your fear arsenal, watch it unpack, right down the the deep dark dregs. Look right at it with curiosity and bravado. And watch it sit down.
This is where our power lies. Instead we respond to our day to day fears like life and death threats and we pay the price. “If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.” ~Dean Smith
But when we examine our worries, we can see them for what they are. Logically we can examine and test them and they break down. Emotionally when we can face them, and they lose power. We can choose not to run, pursue or enlarge but only observe.
Yes, worrying is human. But for a small investment we can hear them, see them, and let them go. Get back to being.
“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” ~ Chinese Proverb
happiness contagion mission 